It is official. I am not a "badass,," and that is ok.
I am not an adventurer seeking thrills and adrenaline rushes.
For some reason, I believed I had to overcome fears and step out of my comfort zone to make me grow. You know.
I wanted to zip line, well, at least I thought I did. And I think I still do, one day, on a smaller, less high zipline than what I was attempting to do in Costa Rica.
Last week I thought I was giving into fear.
The suspension bridge was fine, I was a little scared, and I did it anyway. It was only 250 feet in the air. The zipline was next, and I was with a group of colleagues that are so supportive. I had done a visualization exercise that morning. I had done a courage meditation that morning as well. I changed my word from scared and nervous to excited every time I thought about the ziplining activity. I said affirmations to myself all morning. I said the Lord's prayer at least a dozen times. I saw signs that my angels were with me.
I said I would do it in honor of my Dad's birthday.
I said I would do it to show others I could.
I said I would do it to show myself.
I said I would do it because, as a coach, I talk about stepping out of my comfort zones.
I said I would do it so I would not disappoint others.
I tried other ways to talk myself into it and trick my brain.
I know everything is about MINDSET! I've learned that on my journey.
I made it to the platform two times. Shaking. Feeling fear like I have physically never felt in my body. I was shaking. My voice was trembling. My colleagues had zipped on. The guide was doing his best to coax me into going. He even offered to go with me. I still could not muster the courage to do it. One of my mentors told me before she zipped off, facing my fears will help me grow. What was I afraid of? People zipline all the time. My friends were doing it right in front of my eyes. My heart was racing so much. Was this fun? Don't I teach to #liveinspired?
That is when I said - "NO". I don't have to zipline to face my fear. I don't have to zipline to grow. Zipping across an 800-foot canopy forest is not fun for me, so why in the hell am I doing it? And I walked away and went to the bus.
As I sat on the bus and I text my husband, my son, my personal trainer/friend to tell them I didn't do it. I started to feel ashamed, by then I was crying real tears.
Then I asked myself, Do I regret not doing it? And the answer was a hard NO.
Then I started to realize at that moment and days to follow that I faced an even bigger fear that day than I have had for years. A HUGE fear. I faced the fear of not giving a damn about what people thought. FINALLY. It took me realizing that ziplining almost 800 feet in the air is not my idea of fun, and that is OK! I was always worried about what other people thought of me. All my life I have had a fear of people not liking me if I didn't say or do certain things. I feared people not liking me if I didn't have the right color hair, wasn't a certain size. I feared not being liked. Today, I didn't care at all. I cared about how I felt.
Once the days passed, and I found my lesson in this experience, the letting go of what people think. I'm not a badass! I'm not a superwoman! I'm me. I don't have to be a badass to be inspiring and do great things. I can keep my feet firmly planted on the ground and still be ok, better than ok. I can be great! I can even do great things. And you know what? So can you! And if you don't think what I do is great or inspiring that is ok too.
Yes, there are books written about being a badass. It is a glorified term these days. Especially for women. We think we have to do so much and prove things. Guess what? We don't. We can do what we want to do, we can do what makes us feel good, we can do what we think and feel is fun, and we can be ok with it!
I've been a people pleaser all of my life. I probably will be to a degree the rest of my life too. However, I realized walking away from that zipline that morning was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. And I did grow from it. And I am glad I did NOT do it.
I was totally out of my comfort zone, and because of that, I am more confident today, and I know that I will continue to grow from that non-zipline, non-badass moment as I write this blog and go over the memory and think about how I feel now about it. I think even more exhilaration by writing this and telling you how I felt. I don't care how others perceive my giving in to the fear and not doing it, and it feels even more freeing now!
I feel that I chose the inspired choice, and I am good with that. I choose Inspiration over fear any day!