I thought I screwed up. I did. I thought I had completely and royally messed everything I have done UP. I thought I was going back to the old habits. I thought I was going back to my old ways of thinking, acting, being, eating, etc.
Why did I think this?
I thought I screwed up because I gained weight. I did. 13 pounds since Christmas, some traveling and some playing. UGh. Fuck. Right? And here it is, April, and it's not gone. And here I am, supposedly an Inspiration and someone who sets an example. A coach and a mentor, oh and don't forget...I'm not a yoga teacher. Who the hell do I think I am? BEING "Inspired by Shannon" and BEING a yoga teacher. Those thoughts were running through my head for the past weeks. I thought I'm doing it ...I'm going back to my old habits. I could feel myself starting to close up, but that feeling is not good.
Then I realized that the changes I've made over the past few years were REAL. They are big changes, and they are locked in. I can't go back. The change that I made is the kind of change from within, from the heart and soul. It is the change that has allowed me to BECOME who I am meant to be. I can't go back. I am no longer that person.
Those thoughts, those habits, those ways of thinking no longer feel right. It is uncomfortable to go back. It is uncomfortable to have those thoughts I used to have.
I have to move my body. I have to fuel my body with the right foods. I have to fuel my mind with good thoughts. I have to nurture my heart and my soul with inspiring thoughts and loving feelings.
THIS is how I got here, to BE the person that I actually like to BE.
I know I am meant to go forward on my path and create my vision.
I know I am meant to keep inspiring from where I am by doing what I am doing and sharing my journey. I know I am meant to shine a light.
That is uncomfortable to me sometimes. I still worry about what others think and say about me. I am 100% real. This can be scary shit. Will people think I'm self-absorbed? Oh, lol, if they only knew. I share this with you, and whoever else reads it because it is REAL. If I help ONE person, then my purpose in this life is fulfilled. I want to help others realize they are NOT alone. You can BECOME the person you want to be. You can BECOME a person that you love. You can be a light for yourself and others.
Let yourself BE!
This is me. I did NOT screw up. It is through this grace that we allow ourselves to shine. I may have made a couple of bad choices during a moment or two, and I gained weight. Weight can be lost. I will not be lost. I will BE who I have BECOME and who I am BECOMING.
"The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are. Rather it is about unbecoming who you are not." - Alber Schweitzer